Enter, Uzumaki Hoohige
by daydreamer150
Summary: WARNING!THIS FIC IS OVERFLOWING WITH TOO MUCH OOCNESS!SO IF YOU DON'T LIKE OOCNESS THEN DON'T READ THIS!GOT IT?
1. Uzumaki Hoohige

**READ BELOW!!! IMPORTANT!!!**

**Okay so like I warned in the summary, for those who hate over OOCish fics must click the back button and look for another non-OOCish fanfic before they start flaming me. Because this fic is VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERY OOC, so, if you don't like those kinds of fics then leave this ficcy alone before you all go 'WTF?! Itachi ain't like that!' or all that other crap. The way I write humor fics is very deranged and usually I only write humor when I'm on a hyper sugar-rush, which is the result of the character's OOCness. As for the background of Naruto's sister... don't ask... it just popped into my head...**

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One morning when Naruto was fast asleep…

Hoohige: ONII-CHAN! TIME TO WAKE UP!

Naruto: zzz…

Hoohige: NARU-CHAAAAAAN!!!!

The 14-year-old blonde girl was forced to shout from the top of her lungs in order to wake up her 15-year-old brother who just pulled his blanket above his head and turned to the other side facing the wall, Hoohige pouted and then she had this gleam in her blue eyes.

Hoohige: PILE DIVE!

At this Naruto stiffened.

Naruto: NO! NOT THAT!

But the girl ignored her brother as she jumped on top of her brother with her ass landing on his stomach causing him to groan in pain.

Naruto: HOOHIGE GET YOUR ASS OFF OF ME!

Hoohige: not until you wake up!

Naruto: I'M ALREADY AWAKE!

Hoohige put the blanket over her brother's face.

Hoohige: no you're not!

Naruto: gah! I can't breathe!

The younger girl finally gave in and got off of her brother's squished stomach as she went in the kitchen.

Hoohige: I'll wait for ya onii-chan!

Naruto didn't respond cause he just rubbed his sore stomach that his sister just sat on, in the kitchen Hoohige looked down disgustingly at her bowl of ramen as her brother pigged himself out.

Naruto: Hoohige if you don't eat your ramen soon it'll get cold.

Hoohige: aw but we always have ramen! I'm getting taste fatigue! Can't we have anything else like salad or something?

Naruto spat the soup he was drinking from his mouth out of shock, luckily Hoohige brought an umbrella.

Naruto: Hoohige how dare you! Ramen is the most delicious meal ever!

Hoohige: maybe for you… you're taste buds were disabled a while ago…

Naruto: WHAT WAS THAT?! You know you should get to respect me sometimes; I AM 2 years older than you!

Hoohige: I'll give you respect if you buy me salad!

Naruto: NEVER! RAMEN'S FOREVER!

Naruto had this look in his eyes that made him look like Lee in a good mood making Hoohige sweat-drop.

Hoohige: onii-chan you're hopeless…

A while later while the Uzumakis were just lazing around the house with a mission free day, Naruto got his blanket and pillow and went over to the couch, hoping to resume his sleep there since Hoohige was quietly washing the dishes.

Naruto: aaah… this is the life…

The blonde got comfortable and was starting to drift into dreamland when.

Hoohige: NARU-CHAAAAAAN!!!

The younger blonde shouted as she jumped into the couch once again waking her brother up as he had that look in his face when he gets irritated as he squinted at his sister.

Naruto: Hoohige, I'm trying to sleep.

Hoohige: aw but you can't sleep now! Let's go play ninja!

Naruto: we're already ninjas, why would we play ninja?

Hoohige: I don't know 'cause its fun!

Naruto: no.

Hoohige: please Naru-chaaaan?

Naruto: _no_.

Hoohige: please, please, please, please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeease Naru-chan?

Naruto: I said no.

Hoohige: play with me!

Naruto: NO!

With that Naruto pulled the blanket on him again with enough force that made Hoohige fall out of the couch, a vein twitched as she stood up straight.

Hoohige: YOU'RE MEAN!

Naruto: GO ANNOY SOMEONE ELSE!

Hoohige: FINE I WILL!

She said as she tugged her shoes on (they were already in their normal clothes) and stormed out of the apartment, while she was walking she came upon a certain pony-tailed chuunin sleeping under one of the shady trees in the park.

Hoohige: pineapple-chan!

She approached the figure called Shikamaru whom she refers to as pineapple-chan because of the shape of his head silently at first so as not to wake him up, when she was right beside him though; she opened her mouth wide for a loud wake up call.

Hoohige: OOOOOOOHAAAAAAAAAYOOOOOOOO PINEAPPLE-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

The scream was loud enough for Shikamaru to jump up from his sleep.

Shikamaru: wha? What?! Is there an attack?! Call all the ANBUs quickly!

As the Nara turned his head and saw a female Naruto with no whiskers smiling her hyper smile, he sweat-dropped.

Hoohige: pineapple-chan we're you having a nightmare?

Shikamaru: none of your business, and stop calling me pineapple-chan… my heads not that pineapple-ish…

Hoohige: why not?

Shikamaru: look, aren't you supposed to be at home annoying Naruto? Not me?

Hoohige: I was, but he pushed me off the couch and I got pissed so I went out to annoy you instead.

Shikamaru: sweat-drops boo-hoo for you… and me…

Hoohige: so pineapple-chan! Let's play ninja!

Shikamaru: why would we play ninja when we're already ninjas?

Hoohige: that's what Naru-chan said! Waaaaaaaaah! You men are all the same! Waaaaaaaaah!

The girl started crying loudly, Shikamaru knew it was fake, but the passer-bys though otherwise.

Shikamaru: come on, I know you're faking.

Hoohige: you're mean and insensitive pineapple-chan! Waaaaaaaaah!

Shikamaru was just about to tell her to shut up when he heard the passer-bys whispering about them.

Passerby1: the poor girl…

Passerby2: she's crying… are they having a break-up?

Passerby3: maybe she's being abused…

Passerby4: should we alert the Hokage?

Shikamaru stiffened at the sayings of the passer-bys as Hoohige continued to cry and more whispers formed, this time he decided to try and calm her down before someone really does call Tsunade.

Shikamaru: hey! Stop crying!

Hoohige: make me! Waaaaaaaah!

Shikamaru: pleeeeeeeeeeeease stop crying Hoohige!

Passerby5: this guy must really be insensitive; if I were her boyfriend I would've handled the break-up somewhere else.

Shikamaru started to panic when Hoohige won't stop crying and his pride was being lowered, he turned to the audience, thinking that if he can't calm her down he'll just have to tell them that it is all a big misunderstanding.

Shikamaru: _women are troublesome… _this is not what you think! I didn't do anything to her!

This time Hoohige's crying turned into just sniffing when she stood up and looked down at Shikamaru with angry teary eyes.

Hoohige: you really are a big meanie pineapple-chan! I'll go find someone else to play with! Hmp!

The blonde walked out of the park wiping her tears away leaving the pineapple-head to receive glares from the passer-bys, all he could do was laugh nervously.

Shikamaru: _that girl will pay someday…_

As the younger Uzumaki walked forgetting about her scene with Shikamaru she thought she could explore the forest for while just for fun, when she did she came across her favorite group of upperclassmen with her crush in it.

Kiba: hey look its Hoohige-kun.

Akamaru: arf!

Kiba and Akamaru jumped off the tree they were sitting on and the blonde petted the huge white dog the side.

Hoohige: ohayo Kiba-sempai! Akamaru-chan!

Kiba: ohayo Hoohige-kohai.

Akamaru: bark!

If you're thinking that Kiba's the one our heroine has a crush on, it's not. Hinata came into the scene with her usual shyness.

Hinata: Hoo-chan… o-ohayo…

Hoohige: Hina-chaaaaaan! Ohayo!!!!!

With that the blonde had given the white eyed girl a big bear hug causing Hinata to gasp for some air; no Hinata is NOT the crush of Hoohige! What do you think I am?! A shoujo ai fan?! NO! clears throat um… anyway. Hinata is the main reason how Hoohige was so close to team 8, they are best friends after all, despite the age gap. Hoohige released her best friend and smiled at her brightly

Hoohige: so Hina-chan! Do you still like my brother? I have tons of pictures of him! I could give you one when he was undressing!

At hearing those words Hinata's face grew apple red at the thought as she let out a small squeal.

Hoohige: hee hee! Just kidding Hina-chan! I know you wouldn't do such a thing! You're too innocent!

Kiba watched as the two girls talked about stuff.

Kiba: hmp, they're probably talking about Naruto again…

Akamaru: arf…

Kiba: what does Hinata see in that guy anyway? No offense to Hoohige-kohai or anything.

Akamaru: ruff! Ruff!

Kiba: I am not jealous!

Akamaru: rrr…

Kiba: whatever Akamaru, I am not jealous, why would I be?

As the brunette continued to talk with his dog with his arms folded Hoohige continued with her talk with Hinata.

Hoohige: you know Hina-chan, have you noticed that every time we talk about Naru-chan Kiba-sempai gets all pouty and silent?

Hinata: huh? What're you saying?

Hoohige: I'm saying that Kiba-sempai likes you and he's jealous that Naru-chan gets all your attention!

Hinata's face turned as red as last time when she heard the younger Uzumaki say that.

Hinata: y-y-you're kidding… K-K-Kiba-kun would never like me…

Hoohige: why not? You're cute _and _have a great personality! Not like that uptight cousin of yours Neji… ne Hina-chan… where's Shino-kun?

Hoohige's cheeks turned pink once she mentioned the young Aburame's name, yes, she likes Shino, sue him for being so irresistibly hot.

Shino: I'm right here.

The group turned to see the brunette with an untouched chocolate bar in his hand, making Kiba blink since he never knew that someone as stoic as Shino would like sweets.

Kiba: hey Shino, what's with the chocolate?

Shino: oh this? Ah, okaachan gave me this.

Kiba: what for?

Shino: she wants me to just get a taste of something sweet for once.

Kiba: but you don't like sweets.

Shino: exactly.

Kiba: so what're you going to do with it?

Shino turned his gaze from Kiba and took notice of the hyper blonde sister of Naruto; he approached her and offered the chocolate to her.

Shino: I don't want this; you could have it Hoohige-san.

Hoohige just stared at the brunette making him raise an eyebrow.

Hoohige: _he's giving me his chocolate! Oh no what am I going to do?! I wasn't prepared for this!_

Shino: Hoohige-san are you all right?

Hoohige: _he's asking if I'm all right! What do I do now?! Okay… um… _I'm okay… thanks…

With the blonde took the chocolate bar, her fingers making little contact with Shino's but even so it made Hoohige squeal inside.

Hoohige: _he touched me! And I'm holding his chocolate right now! Heeeeeeeeeeee! I'm so happy!!!!_

The girl held her cheeks with both hands as it turned pinker by the moment with a bright smile and eyes turned into beating heart shapes, not to mention the background where hearts were flying around like when a fangirl sees a totally hot bishounen. Kiba and Shino sweat-dropped while Hinata just giggled.

Kiba: what's up with her?

Shino: I have no idea…

Kiba: do you know Hinata?

Hinata: oh… it's something you boys will never understand…

Kiba & Shino???

After hanging out for a short while Hoohige placed the chocolate safely in her pocket and left, wandering around the forest again.

Hoohige: now what do I do now? Should I eat Shino-kun's chocolate?

The blonde sat on a log and pulled out the chocolate staring at it, when her hand was about to reach for the top of the wrapper to open it and start eating it she stopped and let out a squeal.

Hoohige: I can't just do that! It's too precious! I'll just place it in a shrine and worship it once I get home…

Just then she saw two pairs of feet that were painted violet making her look up to see two men in black cloaks and wide straw hats with some white clothing dangling around it, she blinked, not feeling the least bit scared.

Hoohige: who are you?

Man1: you, come with us.

There was silence.

Hoohige: okay!

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**Okay so I guess that's the first chapter of my deranged OOCish fic, please review and I DON'T WANT seeing any flames of them being OOC because I ALREADY WARNED YA PEOPLE TWICE!!!! Geez, if you guys could read and understand fanfics why can't you do the same to warnings?!**


	2. Introduction to The Akatsuki

**You guys mightthink that this is an awfully fast update...well that's because this was a boredom fic i did some weeks ago but never thought i would end up posting it...so yeah...all the chappies were done a long time ago. I got mixed up on whose the good side of Zetsu, I thought the white side was good and the black side was bad but it's actually vise-versa... i was just too lazy to rewrite it. I know Sasori isn't really a perv but to me he looks like one...plus, who else would i pick to be the Akatsuki's perv? Deidara? Nah, he looks too much like a girl to be a perv. Like I said, this IS an OOCish fic, so deal with me. I only got one review on this fic but 30 plus hits... man... people these days... thanks for the one who reviewed! **

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She said it in a cheerful hyper-active way as she placed the chocolate back in her pocket and shoot up, making the two men sweat-drop. 

Man2: _sir leader wasn't kidding when he said this was going to be easy… _

Hoohige: let's go!

The blonde held onto both the two men's hands as they walked.

Hoohige: I'm Uzumaki Hoohige by the way, what're your names?

All of the sudden the two men stopped and let go of the girl's hands; they stepped in front of her and placed their violet finger nailed hands on their hats.

Man1: I… am Uchiha Itachi.

With that the first man dramatically took his hat off and shook his pony tailed hair like a shampoo commercial model with a sparkling background, Hoohige star-eyed.

Hoohige: wow! He's so pretty!

Man2: and I… am Hoshigaki Kisame.

The other man did just as the same except since his hair was short he just ran a blue hair through his dark blue hair; Hoohige's reaction was very different. She grimaced seeing his abnormal shark-like features instead of star-eye like at Itachi's bishounen face, she backed away a bit and hid behind Itachi.

Hoohige: he looks scary…

Itachi: I told you that only I can do that because I'm the pretty one here.

Kisame looked down with depressed aura.

Kisame: I wish I could be as pretty as you are Itachi-san…

Itachi: well you're not, you're a shark-man, and that's what you're going to be forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever.

Kisame was now even more depressed.

Kisame: you're not helping Itachi-san…

Itachi: I know I'm not.

Hoohige: aw… poor little sharky's sad…

The blonde went up to the blue-skinned man and patted his shoulder.

Hoohige: don't worry; Hoo-chan will be your friend.

Kisame puppy-dog eyed.

Kisame: you will?

Hoohige nodded and Kisame started crying happy puppy-dog rivers.

Kisame: I never had a friend before.

Hoohige: now you will!

Kisame & Hoohige: yay!

The two hugged with a smiley faces as a background making Itachi sweat-drop.

Itachi: Kisame stop being a pedophile and let's go sheesh.

At the Akatsuki Headquarters…

Sasori and Deidara were sitting outside doing mostly nothing but breathe, Sasori looked up and saw two tall figures and one small figure coming their way.

Sasori: hey, Itachi and Kisame are back.

Deidara: who's that other dude, un?

Sasori: we'll find out.

Itachi, Kisame and Hoohige were nearing the headquarters, Itachi had a big twitching vein on his head since Kisame and Hoohige won't stop singing 'What I've Been Looking For'.

Kisame: **it's hard to believe, that I couldn't see.**

Kisame & Hoohige: **that you were always right beside me thought I was alone, with no one to hold, but you were always right beside me.**

Hoohige: **this feelings like no other.**

Kisame & Hoohige: **I want you to know!**

Itachi: ah cut the High School Musical shit, we're here.

Kisame & Hoohige: yay!

As the three reached the entrance, they met with Sasori and Deidara.

Sasori: Deidara, remember when you asked who was that dude with them?

Deidara: yeah, what about it, un?

Sasori smirked at seeing the 14-year-old blonde in-between Itachi and Kisame.

Sasori: it's not a dude, it's a dudette.

Deidara sweat-dropped and sighed.

Deidara: here goes flirty Sasori again…

Sasori: hey, come here often?

Hoohige: this is my first time here, man you're lame.

Sasori stiffened into a rock and looked down with depressed aura with Deidara held up a score board with two sides labeled 'Sasori' and 'New Girl'.

Deidara: score one for the new girl.

Itachi: gah, back off Sasori, we're supposed to bring her to sir.

Sasori: oh? What does sir what to do with her?

Itachi: don't get any ideas Sasori, sir's not that harsh.

Sasori: or is he?

Sasori smirked in a way that made Hoohige feel uncomfortable.

Deidara: don't worry; Sasori's always the flirty pervert of our group, I'm Deidara by the way, un.

Kisame: just try and stay away from him.

Itachi: c'mon, c'mon, let's not get the leader waiting.

Kisame: coming Itachi-san.

The three entered the building and walked along the hallways and met with another Akatsuki member who looked like a venus fly-trap.

Hoohige: who's that?

Itachi: that's just Zetsu.

Kisame: be careful with him, it's like he has two sides.

White Zetsu: ohayo Itachi-san, Kisame-san and uh… girl.

Black Zetsu: hope ya'll burn in hell.

Hoohige sweat-dropped at hearing the bad part of the plant guy.

Kisame: ohayo Zetsu.

White Zetsu: who's the girl with you?

Black Zetsu: you gonna molest her?

Hoohige grimaced and hid behind Itachi again.

Itachi: no we're not going to molest her, geez, the leader just told us to get her and bring her here.

Black Zetsu: maybe the leader's going to be the one who's going to molest her.

Itachi: oh shut up Black Zetsu.

Black Zetsu: hissssss…

White Zetsu: sorry about him.

Kisame: its okay, we better get going.

White Zetsu: but we don't know her name yet.

Black Zetsu: yeah, we got to know the name of leader's whore.

Hoohige grimaced more but nevertheless she gave her name.

Hoohige: Uzumaki Hoohige…

White Zetsu: Hoohige, nice to meet you.

Black Zetsu: Hoohige means whiskers but the brat doesn't have any damn whiskers.

Itachi: ah whatever, let's just get going before Black Zetsu goes on about molesting again.

Kisame: good idea.

The three hurriedly went away from the man with two sides without looking back, White Zetsu was crying rivers.

White Zetsu: now look what you did this time Black Zetsu! I was going to make a friend!

Black Zetsu: you're too much of a freak to have a friend.

White Zetsu: waaaaaaaaaaah!!! You're mean Black Zetsu!

Black Zetsu: shut up.

Itachi, Kisame and Hoohige continued to walk uninterrupted, or so they thought when they met up with three other Akatsuki men. The religious Hidan, the money-obsessed Kakuzu and the mask-wearing Tobi.

Kakuzu: back already? That was awfully short.

Itachi: it was, I told her to come with me and she said okay.

Hidan: did you kill anyone?

Kisame: no.

Hidan: hisss… terrible sinners…

Kisame: not all of us are into Jashin, Hidan.

While the four were having a conversation Hoohige was staring up at Tobi.

Tobi: what're you staring at little girl?

Hoohige: you, duh, how could you see straight with only one eye-hole?

Tobi: that, my dear friend, is a mystery.

Hoohige: we're not even friends yet.

Tobi: well, okay then, what's your name?

Hoohige: Uzumaki Hoohige.

Tobi: well I'm Tobi, let's be friends.

Hoohige: okay!

Tobi: yay! I finally have a friend!

The two then hugged like when Hoohige and Kisame hugged, Kisame saw this and cried rivers.

Kisame: I thought she was my friend…

Itachi: shut up Kisame, no one cares about a shark-freak like you.

Kisame: waaaaaaaaah! I'm going to my room!

With that the crying blue skinned man ran off and slammed the door of his room.

Kakuzu: don't you think you were being too harsh on him Itachi?

Itachi: I could be harsher.

Kakuzu: okaaaay…

Hidan: Tobi stop being a pedophile!

Tobi: I'm not being a pedophile! We're just hugging!

Hidan: pedophile! Pedophile! Pedophile!

Tobi: SHUT UP YOU OVERLY RELIGIOUS FREAK!

Hidan: YOU SHUT UP YOU MASK WEARING FREAK!

Kakuzu: now, now, let's not fight.

Tobi & Hidan: SHUT UP YOU MONEY OBSESSED FREAK!

Kakuzu's vein throbbed angrily.

Kakuzu: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!

With that battle cry he tackled the two of them and they started getting into a cat-fight, Hoohige and Itachi just watched with eyes wide as they started biting and pulling each others hair.

Itachi: we better go.

Hoohige: I think Kakuzu's going to hit Hidan on the groin.

Hidan: AAAAAAHH! OH GOD MY PRIVATE!

Hidan fell on the floor clutching his aching groin where Kakuzu had hit him.

Hoohige: knew it.

Itachi: let's just go.

Hoohige: what about Kisa-chan?

Itachi: leave him in his room; he gets all angsty teenager style when I make him cry.

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**Ah... poor little Kisa-chan... not that I hate him or anything... not that I like him either.. (O.o) but I've been waiting to do that to him for a long time, I mean, it's not everyday you see Hoshigaki Kisame, a shark-faced dude act like an angsty teenager and cry in his room and all that other stuff. Aw... once again... poor Kisa-chan...**


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